Happy new year everyone. We had Chinese New Year in January so what do we have in February, can anyone guess? Yes, valentine day.
Dating is hard. Putting yourself out there is difficult. You might get rejected. I have been told that I should not have been the one taking the first step and let the man do the hunting. So, I went against the norm and asked a few guys out. Yes, I have been rejected a few times.
Rejected because of ‘I scared the man off
Three years back, there was this guy whom I got to know at a work function. We exchanged numbers and started going out. We had so much in common. The love of running, food, nature etc. Sounds perfect right?
After two dates, for some reason we didn’t keep in touch. Work kept us busy. But I’m sure I have scared the poor man off by giving off the flight signals when I mentioned my expectations.
Rejected because of incompatible goals
One Friday night two years ago, I was in a pub with a friend after a horri-ble day at work. She left me alone after she made a couple of new friends. There I was hanging around, lost and there was this guy who approached me. He offered to buy me a drink and we started talking. We made arrangements to meet up the next day for brunch.
We met up and started to know each other. We were hanging out every now and then. So when the time comes, we started talking about our lifestyles, goals etc. This continued for about two years. Yes, we were playing tug and war for two years before we finally decided to remain as friends.
Rejected twice in a row. One because I scared the man off and 2nd because of incompatible goals. Intense pain pierced through my heart. I felt that my self-worth was thrown into the trash can.
My AHA Moment
The surprising truth about rejection is that they are supposed to act as a compass. They teach you what you don’t want so you can learn what you do. They give you a major sense of direction.
Everyone will go through rejection. It’s so easy for you to validate yourself. Its even easier to identify with it. Don’t identify with it. It is not you. It doesn’t define you. You define you. There is no answer why ‘Why me?’ It just was me. Be grateful for it because it gave me a choice. A chance to start over.
Remember what I said earlier about men? They are hunters so I have got to let them do their thing. If the speed is too fast, I would tell him to slow down and give him incentives to please you. Give him incentives to poach you. It’s a very simple philosophy. Men in general want speed while women in general want comfort. The space in between is a good for a start for dating.
We all get lost in the digital world. You meet someone and say ‘Hey, I think we have been checking each other out for far too long, here’s my number’. Don’t do that, at least not immediately.
Pretend it’s 1995. You meet people and connect and then date. Be a good conversationalist, get the number and then call don’t text.
Amidst of all the excitement, remember this. The person you should date, is yourself. Be the right person you wanna date before hoping to find the right partner.